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Thank you for inviting us - when can we leave? My first experience of different cultures came when I went to live in Lyon, France. I spoke reasonable French, but what I especially liked about France was that people kiss you a lot. In Lyon, they kiss you twice, once on each cheek. This was a new experience for a young Englishman, and I quite enjoyed it. One day I went to Auxerre, I greeted my friend, a local woman, and we kissed on both cheeks. But on this occasion, I had a feeling that somehow she wanted more ... And indeed, in Auxerre, people kiss each other four times! Now this leads me to wonder: If it's twice in Lyon and four times in Auxerre, what happens in Dijon, midway between the two cities? Is it three times? And what about Lille in the north? Is it six times? This subject of research aroused my interest and took me across the length and breadth of France. My findings came to no conclusion, but I had a great time! Another friend of mine, another Englishman, went to live in Italy. A few months after he had arrived, I asked him how he was getting on. He replied, "Well, I like Italy, and I love the Italians, but the trouble was, for the first few weeks, I had the impression that I was walking backwards all the time." I felt puzzled. He explained, "The thing is, the Italians stand a little closer to each other than you or I do in England. So I feel a bit crowded and take a step backwards. But the problem is that the Italians are such nice people that they take a step forwards, and this goes on, with me backing away all the time." Words can also get you into trouble. A Spanish student referred to something that made him uneasy. "You English are weird!" You thank the bus driver when you buy a ticket, and you thank the shop assistant when you buy a packet of cigarettes. You thank people all the time, even when it's quite unnecessary." What he didn't understand was that by not saying "thank you" so often, he was often perceived to be rude by his English hosts. In English there's no response when someone says "thank you." "Don't mention it" doesn't sound right, nor does "you're welcome," which sounds like something a waiter would say. "Have a nice day" is another common expression, but it sounds very American to me. The English don't want to be told to have a nice day. We reserve the right to have a miserable day if we choose. There's a story of an Englishman who was getting tired of being told, "Have a nice day!" So, he turned round and replied, "I'm sorry, I've made other arrangements!" Cultural understanding is far from just knowing all the conventions and rituals in different cultures. Besides, it is impossible to collect all the information you might need to be relaxed in the many different cultures around the world. Sometimes all that's needed is tolerance if things might be different, and awareness that behaviour acceptable in your own culture may not be suitable in another. A colleague once invited some Chinese visitors to her home. Later in the visit, the leader of the group showed cross-cultural understanding by saying, "Thank you for inviting us. Can you tell me when we can leave?" In China, the end of the meal is often a signal that it's time to leave, whereas in the West, people often sit round the table, chatting until late. In fact, there is a sign that the dinner is coming to an end - not when the hosts come down in dressing gowns, but when coffee is served. The rule is: You can accept as many cups of coffee as you wish, but when you have refused your last cup ... you have about 15 minutes to leave!
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